That Time I Was an Extra in a 90s Music Video

I was honored to film in the subway overnight for Mary Lou Lord's video for "Lights Are Changing"

With Mary Lou Lord at one of the dozens of shows of hers I’ve been to

Way back in mid-90s (when my fashion sense was much worse than it is now, but I’m sharing the above photo anyway), I was listening to a reproductive rights benefit compilation CD, Safe and Sound (sadly, these types of complications are still needed), and heard a song that stopped me in my tracks. It was a cover of the Shawn Colvin song “Polaroids” by Mary Lou Lord; I’d never heard the original and am not sure I knew much or anything about Shawn Colvin then (here’s a video of Shawn singing it).

But as I tend to do, I became obsessed, and proceeded to buy every Mary Lou Lord album and song I could find, and searched online for more information on her. At first, I didn’t even know if “Mary Lou Lord” was a person or a band. I soon found out she was a person, and started going to all her local shows in New York, and sometimes catching her in other cities.

She introduced me to music by so many artists, including her good friend Elliott Smith. I started following her record label, Kill Rock Stars, and soon became deeply immersed in the world of indie rock music, which was much more interesting than law school at the time.

I have no idea how many times I’ve seen Mary Lou play, but probably at least three dozen. And tonight I get to see her again when she opens for another of my 90s indie faves, Ida, at Underground Arts in Philadelphia.

So to honor that, I wanted to share the video for “Lights Are Changing” from the album Got No Shadow, where I appeared as an extra. It used to be on YouTube but no longer is, and only a preview seems available on Apple and Tidal. I had totally forgotten that there’s a jigsaw puzzle element to it! If you want a great overview of Mary Lou’s music, check out the most recent release, a greatest hits album called She’d Be a Diamond.

Still, watching that video again (I thought from past viewings I could tell where I was in it for a split second but I wasn’t able to today; it’s literally a blink and you’ll miss it moment), I was reminded of that magical time in my life. A lot wasn’t so magical, like realizing I didn’t want to be a lawyer but still trying to muddle through law school, and not knowing how I could eventually make a living.

But the magical parts abounded, like making a zine (I’m Not Waiting, as an homage to Sleater-Kinney), and living within walking distance of record stores and venues like The Bottom Line and Tramps and Mercury Lounge and the one on I think Second Avenue whose name I’ve forgotten. I was young and had so much freedom that I’m not sure I totally appreciated, but being in that time and place and pursuing my passions and being an unabashed fan meant I got to do things like be an extra in a video by my favorite singer, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

The video was shot in the subway (I forget which station) overnight, and we had to get on and off a subway car and file out of the turnstile and come back in. It’s all sped up in the video, and it was cool to have the director able to have the subway car leave and return and also to go through the turnstile without paying, but mostly it was just exciting to be part of the musical history of someone I greatly admire.

What else am I up to? I just wrote about custom book promo PR boxes for

Jane Friedman

’s newsletter The Bottom Line (if you’re a writer, I highly recommend you also check out her site janefriedman.com). My magazine

Open Secrets

has been publishing wonderful essays, like our latest climate change-related essay on smoke season by Aaron M Brown, as well as this essay writing advice on silencing your inner critic by Nancy Slonim Arnie, from her book Seven Secrets to the Personal Essay.

I’m diving into final tasks for the currently sold out personal storytelling summit Open Secrets Live in New York on May 3. Not to worry if you didn’t get a ticket: Some of the panels will be recorded for future Open Secrets podcast release, and all Open Secrets subscribers will be eligible for a big two-year anniversary giveaway next week, which will include an Open Secrets tote bag, sticker, bookmark, mini notebook, and large tumbler (like a Stanley tumbler size).

Last but not least, I recorded the first episode of my upcoming podcast. I will share more, including the podcast’s name, once I’m closer to releasing the trailer. I’m still learning the recording software I’m using, Squadcast, and the first interview went wonderfully but my fingers are crossed I recorded properly. It’s a whole new world and it’s scary but also exciting, and is giving me that dopamine my ADHD brain needs.

I can tell you the podcast, and the anthology I’m working on, are both about our relationships with and attachments to our belongings. (I need to pick “relationships with” or “attachments to” as my main elevator pitch but I keep going back and forth so for now am using both.) If you want to read more about that, check out the Stuff-ed vertical of Open Secrets.