I wrote an essay about being in a long-term nonmarried relationship and got two gross, misogynistic, antisemitic emails from the same man within seven minutes
I’m so sorry you got that seriously ridiculous hate mail, ridiculous because what? How sad and small are the lives of those who spend their time policing strangers about the most inane, harmless stuff. Serious, because it’s frightening to have a stranger focus their anger on you.
I’m glad you wrote and talked and wrote some more about what happened. 😘
thanks, and yes, indeed how sad and small his life must be to get this impassioned about me not being married, or just me existing. I’d much rather be a “filthy bohemian Jew” than whatever he is.
I've been writing a long time and I published hundreds if not thousands of pieces, from humorous essays to investigative pieces.
I received death threats. I had the head of a fortune 500 company tell me there should be laws against people like me. I've been blasted with negative comments.
I don't care about any of that. It's been evened out by winning dozens of awards and getting many more positive responses from people who tell me my work has touched them.
I figure if you're not pissing off some people then you're probably boring everyone.
The only negative comments that cut are when someone says something reasonable. If they point out a mistake.I made or a lapse in my thinking that I agree with.
But drunken stupid angry rants go in one ear and out the other.
I definitely agree that pissing people off means you're doing something right (and that we can all learn from constructive feedback). I chose to share this particular hate mail because it was so out of proportion to what I wrote and to me, that's part of my approach to writing, sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Thank you and thank you! I don’t expect everyone to like what I write but his response was so over the top I can’t help but think it triggered something in him.
Years ago, I published a book on the mother-son relationship (THE MAMA'S BOY MYTH: Why Keeping Our Sons Close Makes Them Stronger, Penguin/Avery 2012.) It was a feminist take on raising boys, which included research on the benefits of developing emotional intelligence for our sons. (Had I published it later, I'd have changed the subtitle to "How Not to Raise A Harvey Weinstein," but this was pre #metoo.)
ANYWAY, an excerpt/essay was published in the Wall Street Journal and that brought out a number of trolls, including one that said he'd like to beat up my son on the playground. His avatar was a menacing-looking man holding a gun. I was frightened, until an editor told me that it was actually an old photo of Clint Eastwood. Then I envisioned some pathetic wanna be macho guy in his pjs in the basement.
That said, it is always risky to have any kind of social media presence because haters gonna hate, and anyone can own a gun. I have a strict DNE (Do Not Engage) order on hate mail. I think that's the best policy.
That’s awful and I’m sorry you had to go through that. People are so threatened by any approach to life that’s different from their own. I’m fired up because I just watched this TikTok by a mom whose 8-year-old son is having a Taylor Swifr birthday party and other parents declined for their daughter because it’s against their “beliefs.” Sexism and gender roles are sadly so deeply ingrained in our society https://www.tiktok.com/@jolenedolo/video/7349005801643674923?_t=8nKOJKjJtio&_r=1
Whoa! I love the TikTok - thank you for posting. And she is spot on - girls can admire men and women, boys - nope, they can only look up to men. Girls are also praised for doing traditionally male things - "You GO, girl!" while boys are steered away from anything that suggests "girly." People are crazy threatened by these things. And it's 2024! Sigh. Also forgot to say that I'm so sorry that you had to go through that hate mail stuff too. It's deeply upsetting.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Why can't people just mind their own business? If they don't like something, ignore it, scroll past, whatever... just don't be hateful. You guys are happy, so what on earth does it matter to anyone else?
I’m so sorry you got that seriously ridiculous hate mail, ridiculous because what? How sad and small are the lives of those who spend their time policing strangers about the most inane, harmless stuff. Serious, because it’s frightening to have a stranger focus their anger on you.
I’m glad you wrote and talked and wrote some more about what happened. 😘
thanks, and yes, indeed how sad and small his life must be to get this impassioned about me not being married, or just me existing. I’d much rather be a “filthy bohemian Jew” than whatever he is.
I've been writing a long time and I published hundreds if not thousands of pieces, from humorous essays to investigative pieces.
I received death threats. I had the head of a fortune 500 company tell me there should be laws against people like me. I've been blasted with negative comments.
I don't care about any of that. It's been evened out by winning dozens of awards and getting many more positive responses from people who tell me my work has touched them.
I figure if you're not pissing off some people then you're probably boring everyone.
The only negative comments that cut are when someone says something reasonable. If they point out a mistake.I made or a lapse in my thinking that I agree with.
But drunken stupid angry rants go in one ear and out the other.
I definitely agree that pissing people off means you're doing something right (and that we can all learn from constructive feedback). I chose to share this particular hate mail because it was so out of proportion to what I wrote and to me, that's part of my approach to writing, sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Also, I loved the article you wrote. What a beautiful, honest way to approach and be in a relationship.
Thank you and thank you! I don’t expect everyone to like what I write but his response was so over the top I can’t help but think it triggered something in him.
Sorry you had to receive his emails. Hooray to you for pushing back on him in this way.
Years ago, I published a book on the mother-son relationship (THE MAMA'S BOY MYTH: Why Keeping Our Sons Close Makes Them Stronger, Penguin/Avery 2012.) It was a feminist take on raising boys, which included research on the benefits of developing emotional intelligence for our sons. (Had I published it later, I'd have changed the subtitle to "How Not to Raise A Harvey Weinstein," but this was pre #metoo.)
ANYWAY, an excerpt/essay was published in the Wall Street Journal and that brought out a number of trolls, including one that said he'd like to beat up my son on the playground. His avatar was a menacing-looking man holding a gun. I was frightened, until an editor told me that it was actually an old photo of Clint Eastwood. Then I envisioned some pathetic wanna be macho guy in his pjs in the basement.
That said, it is always risky to have any kind of social media presence because haters gonna hate, and anyone can own a gun. I have a strict DNE (Do Not Engage) order on hate mail. I think that's the best policy.
That’s awful and I’m sorry you had to go through that. People are so threatened by any approach to life that’s different from their own. I’m fired up because I just watched this TikTok by a mom whose 8-year-old son is having a Taylor Swifr birthday party and other parents declined for their daughter because it’s against their “beliefs.” Sexism and gender roles are sadly so deeply ingrained in our society https://www.tiktok.com/@jolenedolo/video/7349005801643674923?_t=8nKOJKjJtio&_r=1
Whoa! I love the TikTok - thank you for posting. And she is spot on - girls can admire men and women, boys - nope, they can only look up to men. Girls are also praised for doing traditionally male things - "You GO, girl!" while boys are steered away from anything that suggests "girly." People are crazy threatened by these things. And it's 2024! Sigh. Also forgot to say that I'm so sorry that you had to go through that hate mail stuff too. It's deeply upsetting.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Why can't people just mind their own business? If they don't like something, ignore it, scroll past, whatever... just don't be hateful. You guys are happy, so what on earth does it matter to anyone else?
Exactly! It’s so simple, and yet not for some people.